One Tip. One Script. One bit of Inspiration.
Tip: Be careful about excessive rushing. It's an enemy of REST.
If you know me, this won't surprise you. I am SERIOUS about getting my rest. This doesn't mean that I don't get things done. It just means that more often than not, I'm going to err on the side of resting if I need to do so. I come by these behaviors honestly as my parents believed children should work (aka go to school), play, AND rest. Each were important in their own way, but sleep and rest were non-negotiable. There simply was no way to get out of taking a nap or going to bed at our designated time. Over time, these practices morphed into habits and later, as a young adult, made it easier to normalize pausing, taking breaks, and slowing down.
Early on, I could tell that not everyone had reached this conclusion. Everywhere I look, people are making quick decisions and walking with a level of urgency that I think, at best, is unnecessary, and at worst, is dangerous. But I hold no judgment. Heck, I know how hard it is to keep rest a priority. As a former practicing attorney, I struggled significantly with self-care and rest. Eventually, I learned that if I wanted to stay at rest in the midst of stress, I had to play smarter. I had to look at those things in my life that consistently shifted my equilibrium, stealing my precious peace. One of the first enemies of rest I identified was rushing. This was something I felt, naively at times, that I could do something about.
My first step was to assess the damage. Rushing made me prone to mistakes and left me feeling out of breath and out of control. It kicked my anxiety into high gear and made me less present for the people I love. Do you recognize any of these impacts in your own life? Can you name others? Tune in to them; they might just give you the needed nudge to shift away from rushing.
My second step was to understand the deceptive nature of rushing. When I looked at it closely, I saw the series of lies. Slowly, one by one, I began to dismantle them.
Lie #1: Rushing makes you more productive.
If you've ever made a critical mistake while rushing, you know that this statement is untrue. Yes, you may be able to get more things done sometimes. But there are plenty of times when rushing requires you to do your work twice before you get it right. That doesn't feel like getting the job done at all.
Lie #2: It's their fault I'm rushing.
Here's what you say to yourself:
"If only there were more hours in a day."
"If only John would stop piling on the work."
"They're expecting too much."
This kind of blame shifting turns your eye away from deeper issues such as an inability to say no to others, set boundaries, delegate, or manage expectations.
Lie #3: I have enough time to do 1, 2, or 3 more things.
I often see this lie surface in my clients who struggle with people pleasing. They are willing to sacrifice rest to make others happy and soothe their own insecurities. But this rarely works long-term and burn out and resentment are the most likely results of this strategy.
Lie #4: I must get xyz done now or there will be some serious consequences.
We all have to abide by deadlines. But sometimes, driven by fear of rejection or failure, we create more deadlines than are needed. Or we train ourselves to consider everything urgent. As a result, we lose the ability to judge how much time is really necessary to complete a task and grind ourselves into the ground, all because we're always rushing to reach imaginary finish lines.
Script:
The third and last step for me was to create priorities that were based on something real, confront the lies, and value my mental and emotional health over achievement.
If you find yourself rushing for no good reason and it's stealing your rest, you might need to create a daily NO RUSH LIST to guide you through the day. Feel free to adapt the below for your life.
- Upon rising and throughout the day, say this affirmation: I am NOT behind. I have plenty of time. I get to set the pace for my day.
2. Today, I am focused on completing this one task: _________________. I will not jump to the next task until I finish this one.
3. I am not a machine so I will take a break. If I feel tired today, I will _____________________(fill in your favorite restorative practice) at ____________ o'clock.
4. If I am asked to take on more work at home or at the job, I will pause before saying yes and consider whether I am able to do so without compromising my daily or weekly priorities.
5. I will stay present for my family and friends by spending more time with them. I will not rush through my conversations. Instead, I will slow down and _______________________(how will you show up for your family and friends today?).
6. I will honor rest by sticking to a bedtime. Today, I will start to wind down the day at ___________o'clock and go to sleep no later than ___________ o'clock.
Inspiration
Are you a member of the "We Do Not Care Club" yet? This viral sensation on Instagram featuring the daily musings of Melani Sanders is not only hilarious but a wonderful commentary on how we overcomplicate and stress about things we need to get over. I am definitely here for this club. Sign me up!
Melanie, I salute you for saying out loud what we women over 40 have been thinking! https://www.instagram.com/reel/DKx57btsyrz/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
Say More, Please
Taking it Slow
https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/taking-it-slow
Resources
Finding Rest in Uncertain Times: link to the videos
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